Opportunities

Opportunities come and go so fast... Sometimes I wish there were signs; "take this one", "what you are thinking- not me!", or something as simple as "yes this way!" But looking back on the those signs, we would not have stories to share to our children or grandchildren...We would not be able explain when my lips touch his my stars are brighter and my heart beats fast and slowly at the same time.. or the suspense of waiting at the airport to see his smiling face.. or just enjoying staring at the sky all night with the person you love...or the anticipation of waiting for him to respond to a letter you wrote him..

I am at a 4 way stop and not sure which way to go..

1. I could go left- apply for the job in another state- just take the jump and see what happens
2. I could go right- move back to new orleans, and hope I find another job on the side
3. I could straight- take the leap with the new guy and not look back
4. I could turn around- to try to heal a part of my heart I will never get back, may never know why it is wounded-- but just another part of life which will make me stronger

if I take 1. I could fail, I could fall, I could shut everyone out of my life
if I take 2. I could get my roommate back, I could have the life I have been wanting minus the job I want, I could take the a minor jump and fail a little
it I take 3. I could lose another friend- I cannot lose another friend!! I could enjoy life with him , He could be the one or he could just be another thing to make me stronger.
if I take 4. I could fix it or I could just hurt even more..

The opportunities are God's way of showing me it is a time for a change, it is a time to grow up and decide to got right, left, straight of even turn behind and change a few things.. God is letting me know I am not happy and things should change...or I deserve better and I need to figure out which one is more important to me and go with it!

live, laugh, love,
Tif
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Brain Storming!!!

Is brain storming really helpful? Is it still the thing you do before writing a huge paper? Well it is something I do before stepping out of my bubble! I still make the pros and cons lists, I still ball up the papers that are going in the wrong direction, and I still sharpen my pencil until it hits the eraser!

I ask myself what still can make me do this? What still makes me this stressed out.. I have no papers to write, I have no projects to make! I have a heart which knows what it wants but a mind that is scared to listen to my heart... I know I want to spill my heart out, but I am afraid of rejection!!!

Looking back on things... People always ask do you regret anything? and I always answer no, but that is not true! I have regretted the day after my first performance.. (side note: I was a bad ass Rizzo!) I regret not giving him a chance, I regret thinking I was better off with the one older than me.. I regret not stepping out and giving him a chance.. Later on, after growing up a little, I realized he was amazing, sweetheart, and treated me like an angel! I regret that I could have had him from the beginning..

After College or hitting my adult age... It has come to him being the first one I think about in the morning, last one I think about before going to sleep, I wonder what he is doing, and I wonder why he can not see I want to be with him... I want to make the jump! I want to pop my bubble, break the brainstorming, stop the tree killing, and stop the pencil sharpening.. I want to live in the moment! I want to live the moment with him! I want him to know I am here for him, I want him to be my "Lucas", my "Nathan", or another words I want him to be MINE!!!

Live, Laugh, Love,

Tif