Dimples

Is it crazy- that I can go months without hearing your voice, seeing your dimples, or giving you a hug! But still long for your voice, dimples, and hugs! I promise you have been the one on my mind every morning and evening! I want to know how your days, your nights, your love life, your job, your new living arrangements! I want to know you still feel the same way- I want to be there in your life again! I want to fill the hole in my heart where I had all my love for you.. I pick up my phone and stare at your number, but I don't call! I begin to text but never send! I stare at the picture in my phone of you- hoping you will call!! I MISS THE DOGS BARKING(your ring tone!) hopefully, this empty place in my heart will be filled with you sooner or later!

I love you and always will!!! I miss you more than you can imagine!!!

Its hard to live, laugh, and love without my strength of you in my life!

Tif

CHAPTER 25 1/2

Sitting in my room wondering... When is it enough? Why is it so hard? I just need help knowing that whatever decision I make for now on it is with me and only me on the mind... That is hard for me- I do not like to put myself before others... I have made decision based on circumstances all the times...

1. going to spring hill - bc it was cheaper, bc it was close, bc my mom did not want me to go where my boyfriend was...
-- Spring Hill turned out to be fun.. met amazing people who are still dear to my heart!!! and love them like my brother or sister!!!
--- met great co workers and an amazing manager who let me grow as even as young as i was.. who helped me follow my dreams and supported me each and every way!

2. moved to bham with Beka to be with Amanda and Ben!
-- saw snow for the first time,
--- followed my dream on becoming a chef
-- met amazing people in culinary school (who taught me how my college years should have gone)
--met amazing co workers- who I still cherish every day

3. moved back to help my Lil brother thru hard times
-- fell to the GAP
-- met more amazing people, but at the same time I have been challenged on who I am and how I am as a person... I have honestly never been in so many different situations that I could not understand how I got there or how one could see it like that... BUT nevertheless, I am ready for another chapter in my life... I am ready to give the world all that I am willing to offer..

4. I AM DOING THIS FOR ME! I UNDERSTAND IT WILL CHANGE SOMETHINGS, BUT AT THE SAME TIME I KNOW IT WILL BRING ME CLOSER TO MY FRIENDS, BECAUSE I WILL BE HAPPIER AND WILL HAVE TIME FOR THEM... I KNOW IT SEEMS CRAZY, THAT AFTER ALL THIS WAITING FOR A SIGN, ASKING PEOPLE TO HELP, AND FINALLY REALIZING THAT ALL I NEEDED WAS THE SECURITY OF MY FRIENDS SUPPORTING ME - I KNOW I CAN DO IT!!!

I LOVE YOU ALL AND THANK YOU FOR TRULY UNDERSTANDING!!!
MI CASA ES SU CASA!!!

LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE

TIF


(ps--> clearly done without caring!!! or internet slang)

Gloomy Anxiety People

It is easy to blog and vent... It is even easier to just yell and scream.. but do those really work- with no intent behind the yelling and screaming or the blogging or venting... You can put me in a room and ask me to yell- I will sound like a high pitch 8 year old girl.. or I will cry like a 2 year old... Is that really, a way of releasing anger.. yeah, but I guess the other question is it right for that particular individual! This individual.. NO.. I really hate conflict! I hate to yell and most of all I hate to cry!! These past months have tested me as an individual and you can say I graduated from college 3 years ago(damn I am getting old)... and I didn’t like taking test then- and I sure as hell don’t like them now.. if there is one thing I have learned from the real world - is there are a lot of people that sugar coat things to help others or there are a lot of people out there with a list – sort of like Santa’s, but different... If you aren’t on the list- your done.. if you are on the list- u r the "golden child" It is crazy to think that coming from a the civil war ages and half my grandparents were fighting to eat at a restaurant to now worrying about if you’re on a list... I don’t really see the importance of a list if isn’t helping the situation as a whole or helping a particular environment.. the list just brings more problems and more arguments. "it’s how the world turns."

But I am a firm believer in the serenity prayer! and I cannot control the list! but I can control me! and I know I do not want to be a part of a list or even on a list for that matter. I know if there is a place that wants me to grow- I will.. but once u ask me to change me as a character and a person... You are asking too much!!! and I cannot be a part of something like that. But I can be a part of something which allows me to be me and allows me to develop as an individual!!!!

Gloomy Anxiety People
Live, laugh, love

Tif