JUST THINKING...

So, I have been in the house all week by myself... I have come to the conclusion that it is ok to be alone... The things that you can do when no one is home is amazing... From turning down the ac- let's not tell my mom... having co-workers over and celebrating along week at work...drinking a glass of wine (if I want it- I can have it!) Walking around the house in clothes I might not normally wear all the time.. or walking around with nothing... It has been a changing point for me in my thinking... I have always thought that I will be that person that stays alone and never finds that special person, which may still be true, but I know that I will be able to make it alone now... I know that if God wants me to be alone, I will be a strong person, that will always have a shit load of food on the table, because I have not learned to cook for just one yet (so do not be afraid to stop by and eat!)...

The past few days, I have talked to friends here and there who are in relationships and having trouble or just HEAD OVER HEALS... I do not want to be either of those... I do not want to be that person that has to eat, sleep, breath of the other person... I value my friends more than anything in the world and I understand that things change when you are in a relationship, but coming from someone who lost a lot of friends over a guy in highschool- I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN.. I guess what I am trying to say is that the actions that you make and decide in a relationship not only affect you and your person but they affect your friends too.. For the person that is having trouble in a relationship, things are more special when you have to work hard BUT at the same time understand and relize the RED FLAGS! It is different from working hard to keep the relationship that has potentional than working hard to keep something that you know is a lost cause. So, I guess what I am trying to say is what Megan said a few days ago! "She found her best friend!" I hope that the person that I do settle down with or fall for is my best friend...

Recently, I have explained that the little things are what I miss each and everyday... Those little things are disappearing and it sucks! My little things are my friends... I know without them, I would not be who I am! When I see a friend going through things I cannot help with - I HURT... I see a friend falling in love with someone too fast - I get scared for them... I see a friend struggling in a relationship- I hope for the best!!!

After this long week of living at home by myself and struggling to make people feel better and hope for phone calls, I have realized that "if it is meant to be, it will be!" Honestly I want to help and be there for them, but I must quote the

Serenity Prayer

"grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."


Live, Love, Laugh

Tif