A ROLLER COASTER

What is roller coaster? By definition a roller coaster: NOUN: A steep, sharply curving elevated railway with small open passenger cars that is operated at high speeds as a ride, especially in an amusement park. An action, event, or experience marked by abrupt, extreme changes in circumstance, quality, or behavior...(Webster's)

That is the perfect description of my summer. I have been put to the test on being a true friend too many different people close to me.. I have failed in many ways and it hurts to realize that I am not as good of a friend as I should be... One of my friends took his life this summer... after thinking about this situation- I blame myself.. I was not there to help him through his tough times, I needed to be there for him and show him that he is special and there is someone who would care when he was no longer on this planet... He was my strength and I never got to tell him, He was my heart and I never got to tell him... After the passing of him, I have realized that I am not promised tomorrow.. I have promised myself from that day I will not hold back.. I will let people know how I feel..

I recently took the initiative and expressed how much "my soul mate" meant to me and how I wanted him in my life whether it was baby steps or full out.. Like a true friend, he gave me the second chance.. It scares me to know he is giving me a second chance, it makes me want to work harder to keep him in my life, but at the same time it makes me scared I will fuck up again..

But on a happier note this summer has helped me realize I have amazing friends and love spending time with them... My summer started off with a new chapter in my life, I left Starbucks after 4 years of my time.. I woke up one morning and left without a second thought in my heart! Starbucks has given friends and a family away from home and I love it for that.. But Starbucks was not the place I needed to be with the drama and stress within my life... Starbucks has help me grow as an individual as well as grow as a friend...

With that I travelled to Dallas this summer to visit a dear friend of mine...Definitely, something I would not normally do.. Not saying he is not worth it because that is not true.. I was scared to take the jump! We have had amazing times together.. From phone conversations, to sporting events, medieval times, FIFA watching, to just being listeners for each other... I have made a place in my heart for him and I know he knows that I care, But I WANT HIM TO KNOW THAT HE IS SPECIAL TO ME AND I ENJOY HIS FRIENDSHIP MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD!

Also, I applied for a job I did not think that I have a chance.. But realize that I can get the job I want and can excel if I only look inside and have a little bit of confidence... I preach confidence to my players all the time and thought I had a lot of self confidence, but recently I have realized that I do not.. So, with that the next job I apply for I will have confidence and know I deserve the job at hand... I hope to take the next chapter and move to a place where I can have the strength to live on my own with confidence to exceed and eventually start a family!!

sorry for not blogging in awhile, but I needed to find the confidence to share with others..

live, laugh, love,
Tif